1. Instead of reaffirming the relationship so that the child wants to please the parent, timeouts create a power struggle. Timeouts pit you and your authority against the child. It's true that as long as the parent is bigger than the child, the parent wins this power struggle, but no one ever really wins in a parent-child power struggle. The child loses face and has plenty of time to sit around fantasizing revenge. (Did you really think he was resolving to be a better kid?)
2. Because you have to harden your heart to your child's distress during the timeout, timeouts erode your empathy for your child. Yet your empathy for this struggling little person is the basis of your relationship with him, and is the most important factor in whether or not he behaves to begin with. So parents who use timeouts often find themselves on a cycle of escalating misbehavior.
3. Timeouts backfire with toddlers because two and three year olds love to experience their sense of power and agency in the world, and timeouts teach them they can get a big reaction from you, so they repeat it. Research shows that ignoring the bad behavior is generally more effective in eliminating the behavior than negative reinforcement.
   If the behavior can't be ignored, such as hitting, it is more effective to remove the child to his room to calm him, but to stay with him. Don't call it a time out, and don't leave him there alone. Calmly explain that if he hits, he can't be with other kids, and that he needs to calm down. Again, an emotional reaction from you will provoke a repeat offense.

1. A good relationship is your foundation; discipline doesn't work without that.
2. Stay two steps ahead of your kid, so you can give him ample warning before transitions, and preemptively distract.
3. Always leave extra time to get anything done, which reduces your stress level and lets you be more patient. Rushing kids stimulates resistance from them.
4. Make sure your child gets enough sleep. It's harder to stay patient with a cranky kid.
5. Sidestep power struggles. Give her as much control over her life as possible so she doesn't need to rebel.

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